Obolon lager - Ukraine 14-4-11

The Low Down:
The Ukraine, or Ukraine as it is now called, is just coming up on it's 21st Birthday. This means that on July 16th this year, it will actually be able to drink it's own beer. Lucky Ukraine!

I kid of course. the legal drinking age in Ukraine is in fact 18.

This beer tastes like the irradiated power of communism through which it has struggled throughout it's history. Brewed just 55km south of Chernobyl, this beer is hot stuff. I'm assured that it is less that 150 Rads per bottle, so safe to drink. Mostly.

The Flavour is bitter, probably because of the cold war, with some real strong cereal notes and just a little carbonation. This beer tastes like injustice, and I love it.

Packaging: 8/10
Strong and bold, like the hammer and sickle. It feels like a former U.S.S.R state trying to break free of it's puppet masters.
Refreshment: 8/10
Any proletariat working in the fields for their bourgeoisie overlords would be well served by this drop.
Flavour 8/10:
Aside from the aforementioned injustice, the cereal and malt notes are awesome.
Alcohol Content: 6/10
5.0% This amount is well suited to the style of pale lager.
Price: 6/10
$4.50. Not terribly expensive when you consider that the Ukraine economy was in disrepair just a few years ago.
Total: 36/50

Conclusion:
I'm kind of at a loss for what to match this with. An irradiated pale eastern European lager with a point to prove. It seems with all the cereal notes it would be well matched to rich meats, venison or Buffalo. probably goat. Yes definitely goat, and if you can't find that, lamb.
Cheers.

Palma Louca - Brazil 14-4-11

The Low Down:
Every man loves a Brazilian (beer). This example is probably the sort of thing I would drink at Carnivale in Rio.

It's light and fruity, with just a hint of sourness to compliment the low carbonation. Think of it like an alcoholic traditional lemonade, that taste pretty much noting like lemons, and you are most of the way there.

Its light and can be dropped quick, so it has a real refreshment factor too.

The smell is offensive, not quite durian fruit offensive, but somewhere between that and swamp. 

Packaging: 6/10
Looks like the seaside, but kind of cartoony.
Refreshment: 9/10
The light sour tinge has you thirsting for more, this is why lemonade stands are a hit in the American summer.
Flavour 7/10:
Quite surprising. I didn't expect much and was rewarded on my low expectations. If it wasn't for the smell.
Alcohol Content: 5/10
4.5% Seems low, but good for a session beer. On a South American coastline resort, this could be that session beer.
Price: 8/10
$3.20. For a single! worth it, especially in summer.
Total: 35/50

Conclusion:A South American beer that feels like a Central American beer. A good summer session beer. i can picture it going down a treat at Brazilian BBQ. oh god, now i want to go to Churasco's and stuff my face with delicious steak.
Cheers.



 

Wells Banana Bread Beer - England 14-4-11

The Low Down:
Suckered In it would seem, by the allure of a morning tea style ale. In years gone by beer was often referred to as liquid bread, since the ingredients can essentially be the same.

This artificial tasting beer tastes like somebody took a shoddy English ale, and put Allens banana candies in the bottle. It doesn't taste like banana, more like candy and booze.

Cool bottle shape though, and after some time my burps started to taste like banana bread. I'm not sure if that is in the pros or cons column.

All in all a forgettable beer, unless you are addicted to Allens bananas.

Packaging: 7/10
The Bottle is a funky shape, unique to Wells brews.
Refreshment: 3/10
As much as any English Ale could refresh you, this seems to do so slightly less.
Flavour 2/10:
Banana essence, sugar and tap water. Not really an amazing bouquet.
Alcohol Content: 5/10
5.2% At least it has a little bit of a kick to compensate for the rubbish taste.
Price: 3/10
$7.50. There are beers that are worth this much. This is not one of them
Total: 20/50

Conclusion:
The sad fact is, it's beers like this that make the U.K brewing scene seem horribly fractured. on one hand you have amazing breweries, and on the other hand you have people trying to invent abominations that should not be. Drink this when you absolutely have no other choice, or want your burps to smell like banana bread.
Cheers.

Tusker Lager - Kenya 13-4-11

The Low Down:
The real reason i was looking forward to this beer was Vanuatu. In Vanuatu they brew a beer called Tusker, and it is one of my all time holiday favourites. This Tusker is an entirely different beast.

Named after an elephant that Killed the original brewer, this beer is somewhat of an African legend.

The bottle conjures up thoughts of safari and the flavours do too. The corn adds an interesting sweetness to it, almost like a banana pancake, and it goes down quite easily, which would be perfect for the African climate.

Lightly carbonated, with pretty much no bitterness, means this beer can easily be session imbibed.

Packaging: 8/10
African bottle that makes me think of Africa. Well played sir.
Refreshment: 8/10
Light carbonation, and subtle flavours mean it can quench thirst well.
Flavour 8/10:
The corn sweetness is something you expect from an American microbrew, but it is right at home in this African lager.
Alcohol Content: 5/10
4.2% A little on the soft side. but in the African sun the last thing you want is alcohol poisoning.
Price: 6/10
$7.50. OK it's reasonably expensive for a 4.2% pint of lager That's bar prices, not bottleshop. I'm going to cut some slack for the Sheer distance to Kenya.
Total: 35/50

Conclusion:
It seems I like Tusker wherever it comes from. while it won't replace my Vanuatu Tusker as the beer I most want in my fridge in Summer, I will drink it again. mainly because I'm a huge fan of banana pancakes. Drink this with.... banana pancakes.
Cheers.

Haandbryggeriet Good Force - Norway 12-4-11

The Low Down:I Like my Norwegian beer, like i like my Norwegian metal. Heavy and frostbitten. This beer is pretty much the greatest thing ever invented.

When I drank the Dark Force, it was around thirty dollars for the bottle. and worth every penny. This one cost less than half that. and was probably twice as good. Star wars references aside, this is a 10% ABV imperial wheat beer.

The bottle is simple and clean, with a dark tint to protect the gods nectar inside from the mighty day star in Norwegian summers.

Tastes like spicy, fruity, wheaty, boozy goodness. I have never tasted anything with so many layers. The finish is smoky and sweet at the same time.

Packaging: 8/10
I can't give this full marks on the bottle, but it is a great counterpoint to the Dark Force bottle.
Refreshment: 10/10
Pour it into your face like it's water, but so much better.
Flavour 10/10:
There is more flavour in this bottle than in all of the warehouses in mangalore.
Alcohol Content: 10/10
10% That's right you sissys. This beer has 3.9 standard drinks in a single bottle.
Price: 10/10
$12.95. Costing about the same as a jug of draught brew, with the same number of drinks, and a bazillion times the flavour. Worth it.
Total: 48/50

Conclusion:
I previously thought they drank mead in Valhalla, now I know differently. Haandbryggeriet Good Force is the reason that Vikings want to die in battle. Drink it on it's own, anything you eat will simply detract from it's awesomeness.
Cheers,

Zlaty Bazant - Slovakia 12-4-11

The Low Down:
This is a hearty food eaters pilsner style beer from Slovakia. The outrageous name, which may conjure up images of a Douglas Adams character, and actually means "Golden Pheasant" would make this beer incredibly fun to try and order in a pub, especially after the 5th round.

A little less hoppy than most pilsners from the region, but not to it's detriment. a clean and crisp beer with underlying malt flavours.

The explanation on the bottle, of how the golden pheasant in a field of barley was a sign of a bountiful harvest, is a nice thought.

Packaging: 7/10
I love the golden foil and custom cut label, I just hate having little flakes of that foil get stuck on my moustache.
Refreshment: 7/10
Clean and crisp. Pilsners are designed to refresh and this one does a pretty good job of it.
Flavour 6/10:
Everything apart from the hops is subtle, which isn't a bad thing. there's just nothing that really stands out.
Alcohol Content: 7/10
5.0%. It comes in a 500ml, and would really make a good session beer.
Price: 6/10
$4.25. However it looks like IBS charged me $17.00. Not going to hold it against the beer though.
Total: 33/50

Conclusion:
This is a great beer for carnivores. It went perfectly with my meat lovers pizza. Now im not saying that the frail vegans and vegetarians who frequent this list should look elsewhere. I imagine it is excellent with tofurkey or an alfalfa sprout salad.
Cheers.

Lucky Beer - China 11-4-11

The Low Down:
Any beer blog that rates packaging has to eventually come to this. Chinese Lucky beer.

The Buddha abstained from alcohol, as it interfered with the quest to realise the full potential of the mind. With that said, this is the greatest bottle ever. I'm going to continue talking about the bottle so I don't have to talk about the beer.

Cashing in on religion with gimmicks is nothing new, but if you are going to suggest that the supreme enlightened one would be associated with a fermented malt product, you would probably want to try and make it a good one.

Sadly, Lucky beer cannot make that claim. it tastes roughly of soda, the lightest hops, and the waters of the Yangtze.

Packaging: 10/10
Look at that guy! he's so happy. a moulded bottle in the image of the Buddha. Perfect.
Refreshment: 7/10
with no strong flavours, and plenty of carbonation, you can drink this like water. This is because that is pretty much what it is.
Flavour 2/10:
Dirty alcohol taste and just the slightest hint of hops. nothing to keep you here.
Alcohol Content: 5/10
4.8% surprising.
Price: 7/10
$2.00. Very cheap, and probably worth it if you desperately need to get your drink on.
Total: 31/50

Conclusion:
Mike's face in the background says it all. If not for the fact that it contained a reasonable amount of alcohol, and came in an amazing Buddha bottle, I don't think anyone would actually drink this. Jesus was able to turn water into alcohol. Seems like the Buddha can turn alcohol into water. Unlucky.
Cheers.

Barbar - Belgium 10-4-11

The Low Down:
Strong Belgian ales should be a staple to any beer drinker. Known the world round for lush and exotic flavours. This beer is no exception, though I'm not sure I would praise it as an example of the finese of Belgian brewing.

Honey and alcohol are the flavours that attack your palette in abundance. The honey is soft and smooth the alcohol is strong and warming, leaving a Spirit like warmness in your stomach, but there is a distinct nose of liquor and after-taste to sanitise a hospital. It has a kick like a molested donkey.

The Bottle is awesome in it's design, which seems to be a standard among non standard Belgian beers.

Packaging: 8/10
The Gaul warrior stirs thoughts of Pillaging savages drinking beer across the Belgian plateau.
Refreshment: 7/10
The warm fuzzy feeling after drinking this beer is unmatched. Its like honey schnapps in beer form.
Flavour 7/10:
I love honey, and the sweetness it brings to this beer is wonderful.
Alcohol Content: 10/10
8.0% Oh those crazy Belgians.
Price: 6/10
$6.50. Its a couple of bucks more than your average Belgian strong ale, but honey is expensive. A bee only carries 0.02g of nectar per trip.
Total: 38/50

Conclusion:A nice beer to sample, but don't drink too many. Apart from the fact that you will die, there's only so much heavy duty sickly sweet but burningly alcoholic beverage you can take on in one night. Ask anyone who's been to an Oktoberfest celebration. Drink this with snacks and sweets, it will compliment them superbly.
Cheers.

BrewDog 5AM Saint - Scotland 10-4-11

The Low Down:
The Zeitgeist that I reviewed earlier was the product of Scotish Brewlords BrewDog. These are the same brewers that make the Tactical Nuclear Penguin.

An "Iconoclastic Amber Ale" that is softly carbonated, bitter sweet, and tastes like everything. The longer i sipped at it, the more things i could taste. Is that citrus? peaches? Thick juicy malt? Hops? Trees? Haggis? how is it so full flavoured? Dry hopping gives this beer a kick that is quite noticeable. Its hard to find a beer that can balance so many flavours without becoming Bitter on the finish.

The bottle is amazing as all BrewDog bottles are. Living up to their mission to educate on the  "Sickness of the British Brewing industry"

Packaging: 10/10
Pretentious and arrogant, with every right to be.
Refreshment: 9/10
long smooth finish, that makes this a thinking man's beer, lightly carbonated and Fresh tasting.
Flavour 10/10:
As i said before, It is the beer of a million flavours, and does all of them well.
Alcohol Content: 9/10
5.0% Could be a little stronger, but then you couldn't drink a whole carton in a session.
Price: 9/10
$4.80. Cheap at twice the Price.
Total: 47/50

Conclusion:
A new take on a very traditional style of Beer. This is truly a wonder to behold. I expect i will encounter BrewDog again on this adventure, and I look forward to it. I was sad to see it finished, so drink it by the six pack, while in the company of friends.
Cheers.

Wieckse Witte - The Netherlands 10-4-11

The Low Down:
I cant even pronounce the name of this beer properly. That didn't stop me enjoying it.

A wheat beer with a strange subtle spiciness, this is about as smooth as Wheat beers come. Since I couldn't read the Dutch listing of Ingredients, i got out the trusty translator to discover the secret ingredient was coriander. I am one of those genetically tuned people whocan perceive the aldehydes in cilantro/coriander, making it taste like soap. And I hate it.

Surprisingly in this beer, that soapiness was not altogether unpleasant. and the spiciness of the beer wins through with just the mellowest of lotion flavours.

Packaging: 7/10
Plain and simple, and covered in Dutch sorcery runes.
Refreshment: 10/10
Fresh and zesty, a very refreshing example of an already refreshing beer style.
Flavour 10/10:
Despite the devils herb being noticeable, the beer is quite unique and full of subtle spicy and tangy flavours.
Alcohol Content: 8/10
5.0% you wouldn't want this any stronger, it would take away from the other excellent points.
Price: 7/10
$6.00. A rare beer, but brewed by a part of the Heineken Group, so distribution shoulnt be a problem
Total: 42/50

Conclusion:
A fantastic Wheat beer with amazing aromatic layers. This really would match any of the famous European Cuisine's.
Im thinking Sausages, with sauerkraut and onions. just don't put any of the Devil's herb on them.
Cheers.

Phoenix Beer - Mauritius 10-4-11

The Low Down:
Tracking this down in stock was difficult. everyone says they have it, no one does. Eventually ordered a 4 pack over the Internet and boy am I glad I did.

The flavour is a completely mixed bag, while smelling like it s going to hurt, this tastes divine. Pro-tip: don't smell this beer, just drink it. It tastes like wild flowers and caramel, with ample carbonation despite looking as flat as a surfboard.

Mauritius is an island colonised by the French off of Africa, and their beer is way better than any of the French beers I've ever had the pleasure of tasting. The Bottle is epic in design and the beer claims to be "The famous beer of Mauritius." I'd never heard of it.

Packaging: 9/10
This bottle is awesome. It just screams "I am a quality beer."
Refreshment: 9/10
Highly Carbonated without giving you indigestion, makes it perfect for hot summer afternoons.
Flavour 7/10:
many varied flavours but an almost unbearable alcoholic nose. Drinking it is still a pleasure.
Alcohol Content: 7/10
5.0% It smells like more, but tastes like less.
Price: 9/10
$3.25. This is great value. there are only 1.3 Million people on Mauritius. all of them work at the brewery.
Total: 41/50

Conclusion:
This is a warm dry afternoon beer. I expect that Mauritius suffers from one long warm dry afternoon year round, and while it may not be as Famous as the bottle claims, it should be. Drink it with BBQ meat while playing poker. I did.
Cheers.

Malt Star - Israel 10-4-11

The Low Down:
And spend the money on anything you want — cattle, sheep, wine, or other intoxicant, or anything you may desire. And you shall feast there, in the presence of the Lord your God, and rejoice with your household.
–Deuteronomy 14:26

This little extract from the Torah shows that the Israelites loved to get their crunk on, so why oh why then did this brewery turn its back on Moses' teachings and Brew an Alcohol Free beer?

It's not all bad, this imitation brew is delicious and tastes like caramel and honey smacks (the breakfast cereal).

I have it on authority that alcoholic kosher brews exist, but are impossible to find here in Australia.

Packaging: 7/10
Red, Gold  and Black are a great combination.
Refreshment: 6/10
Not really as refreshing as I would hope given that the Hebrew people spent 40 years in the Sinai desert.
Flavour 10/10:
Honey Smacks. Admittedly Drinking beer should not bring back memories of being 11.
Alcohol Content: 0/10
Sorry Malt Star, you cannot score any points here.
Price: 7/10
$2.50. Same as a can of coke. but a little less refreshing.
Total: 30/50

Conclusion:
This beer could have been a contender, and still there are many reasons to drink it. designated driver, children's breakfast cereal enthusiast, teetotaller, or giving up alcohol for Lent. As far as food matching goes, why do I feel like a bagel?
Cheers.

BeerLao - Laos 10-4-11

The Low Down:
I have had the pleasure of drinking this beer abroad and this is the beer that started my love affair with rice beer. If you have never had rice beer, start with this one. It somehow manages to bring the tastes of Asia into a bottle.

The rice allows for flavours otherwise rarely seen in a beer to shine through, A little spicy with some hints of coconut milk, and lush vegetation.

The bottle is generic Asian with one additional touch, the gold foil. Nice.

Don't let this beer warm up, as the sweetness will quickly vanish and you will be left with the bitterness that only German hops can provide.

Packaging: 8/10
the Gold foil makes it look classy, while still being an exceptionally cheap beer.
Refreshment: 8/10
When cold, this beer is dynamite, just the right amount of carbonation.
Flavour 9/10:
Rice beer, I think I love you. The rice binds to the other flavours giving the beer many layers.
Alcohol Content: 6/10
5.0%. Very respectable for an Asian lager.
Price: 8/10
$3.30. not high, not low, in Asia, this costs less than a dollar.
Total: 39/50

Conclusion:
I bought this as a six pack, lucky for me, I will have some over the long weekend to try with a wide variety of cuisines. I'm thinking something wrapped in a banana leaf. Oh and if you ever find this on tap, it is a must.
Cheers.

Cardinal Lager - Switzerland 30-3-11

The Low Down:
As previously mentioned, a colleague recently returned from Switzerland. While there she was kind enough to track down the staple Swiss beer, Cardinal Lager.

Harder to find I'm told than you might expect given how much of it is apparently imbibed across the home of the Swiss guard, the Popes personal army.

The Bottle looks like on of the aforementioned Swiss guard, in all of its gaudy livery. If you have ever drank the cheapest draught beer in a pub, because it was the cheapest draught beer in a pub, then you already know what Cardinal tastes like. With that said, refreshment is quite high, due to a slightly fruity finish that has you trying to reclaim it by continually drinking more.

Packaging: 8/10
This was going to score very high, or very low, I decided high, because I think it looks Swiss.
Refreshment: 7/10
This Beer is teasing you with an after-taste that you want to recreate. Again and again.
Flavour 5/10:
European Pale Lager, move along, nothing to see here. Except that finish, What is it?
Alcohol Content: 5/10
4.8%. As a typical draught beer. this is what is to be expected. I wish it was stronger though.
Price: 9/10
Since it was bought in by the lovely Michelle, I cant quote on its price. apparently its pretty cheap for a European beer.
Total: 34/50

Conclusion:
OK, I may have been harsh. Yes it tastes like tap beer out of the bottle, but is that really a bad thing? For the Swiss, standards are everything (see the red cross, the UN, CERN, The army knife, chocolate) and this feels like you are the pub when in fact you are in a Small inner city unit in Sydney? Drink this with a pub feed, steak and chips. Success.
Cheers.

Trumer Pils - Austria 26-3-11

The Low Down:
I wasn't planning to drink Trumer as my Austrian selection, then I remembered that I wasn't limited to one beer from each country and grabbed a bottle at Dan Murphy's on the way to my Dad's second 60th Birthday Celebration.

Light and hoppy, as any good pilsner will be, The high carbonation makes it go down easy, but there's a kind of nasty soda water burp feeling at the end.

Notes of grass and bread are to be had when you get past the pure carbonation. My Dad didn't like it all that much, and this is from a guy who for ten years drank V.B(Victoria Bitter). His tastes have matured with him, and I have to agree, this is not the perfect pilsner. It is simple, and that's what it claims to be.

Packaging: 5/10
A standard European Beer package. Does what it says on the pack.
Refreshment: 8/10
Carbonated like it's the ozone layer. It's surprising the Gillard government hasn't tried to tax this for it's carbon footprint.
Flavour 6/10:
The Notes of Flavour are there, if you strain, predominantly they are hops, as a Pilsner should be.
Alcohol Content: 5/10
4.9%. Pretty much the Universal Standard range for Pilsners around the world.
Price: 9/10
$3.50 for the single in Campbelltown Dan Murphy's. I was surprised it was there at all. so the price is right.
Total: 33/50

Conclusion:
This is a situational beer. They serve it at the Sydney Opera House, where you have a choice of this, Kirin(Japan) and what ever drivel Tooheys have pumping out that particular day. This is the best bet. not because its necessarily better than Kirin, but because its as dry as most of the Entertainment.
Cheers.