Sunday, June 29, 2014

Brewmeister Snake Venom - Scotland -28/6/14

The low down: 
I picked this up as my 34th birthday present to myself. I wanted to take on the behemoth, the leviathan, the indomitable lord and master of all beers. This is that beer.

Tipping the scales at a ridiculous 67.5% alcohol, this is stronger than most cask whisky. To achieve this the mad men at Brewmeister used specialty engineered yeasts and malts and a brewing process that makes the Manhattan project look like 2 kids playing with blocks.

This is a stunning act of science and sorcery, a truly magnificent achievement, and it pretty much tastes like beer! Less burn than tequila or whisky, but more kick. Definitely a sipping drink

Packaging: 10/10
A 275ml bottle that comes with a warning label indicating imbibing alone is tantamount to suicide.
Refreshment: 8/10
It wasn't what I would call refreshing, but it wasn't what I would call the opposite of refreshing, what ever that is.
Flavour 10/10
Really complex, rich smoky malt, with subtle notes of caramel and light yeast.
Alcohol Content: 10/10
67.5% I'm going to over flow some points into price here, because this is insane.
Price: 4/10
$200. This is not as bad as it sounds, since there are 13.4 Standard drinks in a bottle. That's $15 a drink, cheaper than top shelf whisky.
Total: 42/50

Would I do this again? Probably not. I think the only other "Big Beer" that interest me now is The End of History from BrewDog, and mainly because I want the stoat bottle. Drink this with 3 pints of water, and a couple of mates, or else you will die.

Matutu Mai Lager - The Cook Islands - 29/6/14

The low down: 
Just for the record NSA, who I know are listening, the ISIS shirt is from the TV show Archer, not from the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, who are currently delivering bloodshed and mayhem to Mosul, Tikrit and other areas of northern Iraq.

With that disclaimer out of the way, we can talk about this lager from a country where 5 times as many Cook Islanders live in New Zealand than their own capital city.

What are they running away to? you might ask, and it might be the case that it's the beer. This is a very rudimentary pilsner style beer with a fairly sour malty bread flavour broken up by the very mild carbonation..

Packaging: 8/10
Love the design.
Refreshment: 5/10
Needs to be very cold, there isn't much carbonation to save this.
Flavour 5/10
Sourish bready malt bag with a few yeasty notes.
Alcohol Content: 7/10
5%. About as respectable as could be expected.
Price: 7/10
$3.80 Once again I had to look this up as it was the second delivery by Bill Adams. Thanks Bill!
Total: 32/50

I have it on good authority that the coconut porter is at least 3 times better, so if you find your self on Rarotonga, that should be your first option. If you do select this lager, something with coconut might match pretty well.

Mustang Lager - Nepal - 28/6/14

The low down: 

Probably made with Himalayan melt brought on by global warming, this beer is yet another in a long line of mediocre central Asian lagers. Nepal is much more recognised for its dramatic and awe inspiring natural beauty, which we the good people of earth are dutifully destroying.

The standout flavours are chemical and burnt malt, but at least it's not yak's milk, one of the other favorite drinks of the Nepalese.

Considering they are top 50 for population world wide, with 2 million working and studying abroad, I thought this would have been more readily available.

Packaging: 7/10
It certainly looks the part, however I'm not sure there are any wild horses in Nepal
Refreshment: 5/10
Very ordinary, and given the climate in Kathmandu, it won't be gaining points in its natural habitat.
Flavour 5/10
A little strong on the chemical flavours.
Alcohol Content: 6/10
5.5% Quite respectable for a lager
Price: 5/10
$5.25 Had to look this up, as it was a wings night offering from Bill Adams. Thanks Bill
Total: 28/50

So it turns out Mustang is an area in Nepal by the border with China/Tibet and not a high powered automobile or a North American equine. While I wouldn't recommend you eat either, there's a lot to be said for a beer that's best accompaniment is pretzels.