Brasseurs de la GBNC - Number 1 Pale Lager - 30-08-18 - New Caledonia

The low down:

Firstly thanks to Teena who braved a week at sea, the roiling ocean, and sea sick tourists to bring me this wonderful addition to the country ticks. This is allegedly the 8th best beer from New Caledonia, and while that may seem to set it up for failure, there's actually a lot of good in this beverage beyond the usual pacific style lager. I started my work on this article with the usual research about New Caledonia and the first picture on their Wikipedia page is of two men with Koteka, or Penis Gourds. I'll let you google that for yourself; sufice to say, it is exactly what it sounds like. Moving on, there's no way any factoid I come up with can beat that so let's get into the beer review.

Packaging: 5/10
You gotta have serious chops to call your beer Number 1.
Refreshment: 6/10
It's super crisp for a macro pale lager. would be a treat in the heat.
Flavour 3/10
Fairly subtle, hop bitterness is there but it is short on much else.
Alcohol Content: 5/10
5% fairly standard for the style, maybe even a little higher than usual.
Price: 6/10
Around 3-4 dollars, so not as cheap as South East Asia but still pretty great, I can't imagine GBNC has massive production.
Total: 25/50

Conclusion: 
There is a slight syrupiness, but this is otherwise a fairly serviceable beer. I imagine it's great with the local French take on seafood you get in Polynesia and surrounds, but ain't nobody got time for that on a Thursday evening in August. Tonight I served it with a brioche ham and pineapple pizza pull-apart that I invented in the supermarket after an incredibly long day at work. Brioche makes it French I guess? Maybe I'll upgrade the next one to surf and turf, or super supreme!

Cheers.

Taedonggang Brewing Company - Number 2 Pilsner - 30-05-18 - North Korea

The Low down:
It's an interesting time in North Korean politics. You can probably google where this insane set up came from and how it plays into the international brewing scene. This beer is the equivalent of Doctor Strange's battle with Dormumamu, mainly because nobody wins.

DORMUMAMU I'VE COME TO BARGAIN.

I was lucky enough to grab this from my friend Scott, who has visited the state. When the government controls ALL of the means of production, and we are at such a unique and interesting place in the socioeconomic development of North Korea, I feel bad shitting on their brewing capability. And yet, I must.

Packaging: 2/10
It's a beer bottle, not sure how well it conveys its style.
Refreshment: 1/10
It's a fail on refreshment. It is upsetting at best, and a disaster at worst.
Flavour 1/10
There is not a flavour to speak of, other than a weak saturated ricey, corny mess.
Alcohol Content: 3/10
5% but tastes like a chewy, very faulty mess. there is a sadness inside, that I can't describe.
Price: 8/10
Look, it is free today, but I've traded it for a beautiful future opportunity for beer. I don't doubt it will be worth it in the long run, but it is a disaster at any price.
Total: 15/50

It's not good. It is disappointing in all the right ways. It's something that I would love to stop my populace from drinking if I had god-like dictatorial capabilities. I do not. The main cuisine of North Korea seems to be fresh cut grass and human feces, and I doubt that would match this rice lager well, ostensibly I doubt it would match anything well. The beer goes with anything tangy, mostly due to its inability to taste like anything good.

Drink it with spicy pork and rice. No selection is a winner, but they can't all be losers.

Cheers.